Adulting

Adulting is fun. I'm pretty sure I was chasing this freedom, this power, the money and the accompanying dread of Monday mornings that seems to eat up my entire Sunday. Now that have this, I do not know how long I'll be able to keep this up. I don't have any excuses of not pursuing anything and at the same time. All this freedom is making me chained to one particular thing that can either ruin my mood or make it but usually it is both. It is a beautiful word called "Nostalgia". A quote that can describe nostalgia is

"The past is a candle at great distance; too close to let you quit, too far to comfort you" - Amy Bloom

While returning from my college, I was briefly parallel to a group of cheerful kids, conversing in an autorickshaw, wearing the uniform of my alma mater. The distance between the rickshaw and I was adequate but I felt miles apart in my heart. I live in my hometown, see the same roads, a few familiar faces and still have the same life. But I cannot feel anything but alien. The eyes are not seeing the same town. The colours seem a little faded to me.

I have a different kind of smile when close my eyes and remember a time when my shoulders were not stiff till I slept. I remember a time when my only worries were within 24 hours and not a minute more. I try to relive the days through the words or my voice. Try to relive the utter sense of laughter I had while watching people slip on stones in Takeshi's Castle with the perfect commentary of Javed Jaffrey. I try to sing the theme song of Phineas and Ferb as if I was making projects with them in my summer vacation. But, something feels off. Maybe I can try more or maybe I should just let it be. I want to chase my past but I seem to stray away from it further in that chase itself.I am trying to make memories now. I am. These words might become nostalgic for me in some years. Maybe I'll be living my dreams and I wont ever remember the times that have gone by. But that is an overstatement, a Dermi-cool Ad, a song, heck just a smell can pull me towards it. I'm grateful I have a past worth remembering, and I'm sad that I have to talk about unconditional happiness with the words that start it "Once..."